| sadness. |
i so want to cut right now. people were saying i probably looked like a bag of muesli or something on this website i post on - the scourge in the section 'spit roasted' [don't ask] so i put up the link to my picture [it's on my diary somewhere any way] and they said i had a face like a bag of spanners. a face like a boy. an ugly boy. bad enough is that i wasn't there at the time but my supposed 'new' best friend - i.e. fee, who filled in vicki's shoes as soon as vicki stopped using me cos lucy wasn't around - and i really like fee, she is hilarious, but she just sat there and didn't say anything.
now that is the type of thing a person does when they don't know their friend and sit quietly whilst they get slagged off. maybe everyone else in the world is LIKE THAT but i would never do that. these people on the board, she does not even know, yet she treats them the same way she treats me and doesn't stick up for me when i'm not there to stick up for myself. i know it's high school stuff. maybe it's me. i just thought there was more in friendship than that. i know i'm worth good friendship. i am not in the phase in my life where i imagine i am not worth anything. i am better than that. the really nasty thing is... i have to wait for the rest of the world to agree with me. and i'm beginning to think... it never will. update: jesus, i'm a melodramatic sod. shit i got blood on my pjs. ARGH cutting ARGH. um. yeah. fee is psychic, people. but she's also weeally weally nice. she's there for me before i realise i even need someone. blimey, guv'na. i have a friend :) awwwww. aint dat sweet. hee. :). |
