a big spider is slowly crawling up the wall above my pillow.. oooh, it's put a spurt on, ladies and gentlemen. *sigh*.

today was possibly one of the worst days of my life.

ooh, there goes an ant, on my computer desk. i'm living in a regular fucking jungle. ['fuck' is the word of the day. in all its varieties.]

first, psychology lesson. i have no friends in that lesson. i wrote a psychology essay-type thing last night and all mo - my teacher - did this morning was to get us to research and do exactly the same fucking essay, but 'in groups'. argh. annoyance. no one wanted to be in a group with me so i was stuck on my own. *cries* i hate my life. then critical thinking, we had to do a debate - anti-capital punishment. it got really vicious and all the popular pretty girls and boys rode around on ego horses going 'well.. thats shit for starters'.

everyone's intitled to an opinion. i myself was middle of the line so i was sorta on each side of the fence. but everyone was so mean! afterwards, one of the opposing team said that our side was good - or rather, i was good :) *rides around on the ego horse* and he agreed that it got vicious at the end. but it was a teenager court room in all aspects. so it was going to get vicious.

but i still wanted to cry.

plus vicki said something really fucking choice - fucking hell - we were talking about someone or other and tim mcveigh came into the convo - the oklahoma bomber guy - and i don't know whether she was joking or not because i don't really know her that well, but she said 'ooh. tim mcveigh. yeah he was cute. like eminem.' pfft pfft pfpfpf??? whaaaaat? who cares if he was cute or not, he killed people! previous to that statement she'd gone with the opposition on pro-death penalty [which hurt, i know it shouldn't, but i still work on primary school rules whereby the friend goes with the team her friend is on, because her friend is right, dude. except i'm not vicki's friend anymore because she hates me.] so yeah, that sucked. i just wanted to cry all morning :(. and im now starting to cry, oh joy, oh the backbone i have.

we had no more lessons after that so we just sort of sat around in the lrc for a while. i wrote a page of Psychology work and did my UCAS form on the computer and then fee and her b/f joe started to fight... eek. started shrinking into my chair, like 'ooooh no! please don't fight! eek!' i don't know what is going on with those two. joe is really insensitive - to put it mildly - all the god-damn time. if he were a sensitive human being and fee was able to be more gentle about his abject stupidity, they'd be a match made in heaven. as it is, he's cute, in a vague, floppy hair sort of way. that's the be-all and end-all of the attraction, i think? i don't know.. i get the feeling he's quite nice very rarely.. she said she was going to break up with him, anyway. poor fee :(. poor joe. :(. yeeesh.

oh then i wrote an english essay in the library which took me an hour and a half, and then i came home, went to work, got a really bad headache/migrane, got off work, and came home to whine to my parents about just how shit my day was.

ooh. then i exfoliated.

nothing like peach-smelling mushy exfoliating stuff to cheer you up, especially when you walk around the house with it in globlets all over your face. very nice humour value.

how quick my headache returns.

and congratulations to the spider, who has moved 2cms up my wall. i think i'll call him fred. just for the change that's in it.

i made a decision to stop cutting today, by the way. lets see how long i can do it for this time.

2002-09-27 - 9:28 p.m.
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