| just think dumb. |
soundtrack: sneaker pimps - bloodsport.
oh the feelings of depression are rife within me these days, crushing everything. i'm moving out on wednesday, not on the 16th, which is good. i'm not budgeting for food, so any extra money will get spent on extra value packs of sugarless gum and diet coke. i've taken tomorrow off college to pack up my stuff, and write a couple of essays, and cut myself. self-hatred has increased. i don't know why... *looks in the mirror*. oh . yeah. i'm starting a month-long fast on wednesday. after that, i'll eat tuna and salads for three days to make my body wake up and go 'oh bloody hell, food, patsy' and then i'll fast for another month. i'm gently cutting myself off from the world. and i can't take my tv with me when i move out unless i get some random direct debit thing to pay for a tv license - eek, why, why??? - so i'll have to hope i can watch my trigger movies on Joyce [the owner of the house]'s tv and video. she isn't there much, so, probably. i'm so scared. but so glad that i can finally be left in peace to write essays, walk atrocious amounts of milage per day, fast til i collapse weekly, and lose so much weight that every time someone sees me, they notice and comment. i'm not going to take up smoking, though. but i will spend any random money leftover on pills and diet coke. pills. ooh. instant weightloss. 'you ask me how to cure your headache - use a gun. if you think you're doing something special, it's been done... so just think dumb.' - think harder , sneaker pimps. i'm in love with this cd. |
