she'll probably whine about that one, my darlings, but do i care?

*coughsplutternopespluttercough*

moving out tomorrow! oh the excitement! and i'm slightly scared. my parents want to give me a food parcel, so i'm going to try and give it out to people at random intervals until it's all gone. i'm fasting until the 8th of november from tomorrow. i was talking to my mum at midday today whether she'd want me to come home on my birthday, and she said that it's my 18th, i can do what i like with it - i've already decided what i'm doing: i'm going to buy about 5 pills and some bottles of vodka, get quite drunk, and totally off my head.

i know that fee might not want to see me doing pills, so i'll do them when she's not looking and take plenty of water with me..

i'm so excited!!!!

i'm going to be thin!!!

YEY!!!

and i've totally lost the urge to purge. ooh that sounded funky. lol. i haven't cut for a few weeks now. i'm not binging. i'm not hating. i'm finally okay.

i could do without audrea and her little cheap shots at me, calling me a liar and whatnot.

my darlings. i don't lie. lies catch up with you.

don't they, audrea.

*hops hops hops* i'm off to drink some milk. mmm. please remind me to take multivitamins and drink one glass of milk a week during my fast, please please, people.

ciao, darlings. :).

(i sound unbelievably confident, don't i? elimination does that for you. be it pounds, or people.)

p.s. slightly worried about staying at fee's this weekend again. t'was a bit of a strain last time, i felt constantly bitchy and i didn't want to take it out on her because she's a great friend, but i just felt sooooo close to just exploooooodddddding. i didn't, though, but...

you know me.

anyway. i'm all packed.

and ... i threw away my last blade today. all the bad stuff that has plagued me for so long is going to be left behind in the house that i hated.

i'm going to be alone.

i'm going to be set free.

to fly.

2002-10-08 - 6:40 p.m.
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