| don't wanna be a hero... |
i was finally evil enough.
i fell out with fee on purpose so that i could stop eating. how evil am i. i don't need real life friends, i need my own scales - which i am buying on friday. i'm also buying diet pills on friday and a tape measure. i'm fasting for a month from friday. oh god. my longest fast yet. i've fasted all this week, but i've never done a month before! however, the diet pills give tons of energy so when i want to get up at 6am to go for a run on a morning, i won't roll back over, i will take a pill first and then it'll kick in and i'll be so buzzed i'll run and like it. i also think that i'm going to spend my evenings at the upper site lrc typing up my course notes and putting them into plastic wallets so that i am more up to date and confident with my subject matters. i have already done this for psychology, but i have so much to do for history and english and so forth. i really want to do well this year. i think i will also do better because i now don't have any worthwhile friends at college. how cheap am i. forsaking friendship for bones. it'll be worth it when i'm 112lbs on christmas day. i'll hopefully be less. i am actually quite excited, although i feel i should not talk to lupea about binging or fasting anymore because it is just dragging her down with me. she is supposed to be recovering from bulimia. i don't want to kill her. i only want to starve. |
