| i'll wait in line, always. |
coldplay - spies.
feeling quite confused these days. mum wants me to move back home, but i can't. i can't let her see how i eat. it's disgusting. she was watching me tonight as i ate my dinner. i hate this. i understand why i need to binge. i understand why i purge. i know i should find another crutch to lean on to support myself through life, but i can't, right now. i wish i could explain myself to my parents. they just simply block.stand.still.rock.and.a.hard.place.refuse to understand. my friends don't get it. for one thing, i am not thin enough to have an eating disorder. i am actually quite obsessed with the fact that i will never be thin enough in their eyes to have an eating disorder, but from all this puking, i could quite literally have a heart attack and pop off. and most of my friends have some sort of eating disorder issue that if i did actually get thin enough, they would think of me as cool, and really nice and thin. it's not healthy. --------------------------------- it doesn't matter. nothing matters. i'm going to be thin, and i'm going to hurt my family, and i'm going to be quiet and still til something breaks. --------------------------------- tracy is beginning to grate on my nerves. just a little, though. not enough to warrant a bitching. you just wait. for now, i think, i'll just sit, and stare, til i think of something worthwhile to say. hmmm. i'll be round, i'll be loving you, always. always. |
