| perfect |
sometimes is never quite enough.
if you're flawless, then you'll win my love. don't forget to win first place. don't forget to keep that smile on your face. little bit down today. i called ol last night and talked to him for two hours. there was a semi-personality click, but nothing like before. it was a waste of my time and will mean a hefty phone bill, but it taught me that people change and distance brings perspective. that's all i want to say on that. i woke up early, went downstairs and got a cup of tea. i felt really sad. pointless sad. the sad you get when your brain is just making you sad for no reason, because it can. i went upstairs and lay on my bed staring at the wall for a while, then i had a shower and tried to break the razor but i failed so never mind, i'm fresh-scar-free for another day. took my prozac and diet pills, remade my bed with fresh linen [which exhausted me and took me an hour.] and then lay in bed. perhaps it is obvious to everyone else that i am slipping back underground. it's always worse in winter. i have a pile of exams to work through in january, but who says i have to try? who says i have to pass? who cares what i do? i don't care. jono told me he loves me yesterday. i told him to shut up. i was utterly honest and evil to fee in an email yesterday. how nice i am. i only have a few good friends and i push them all away. yey. i have to go clean. |
